Are you aware that you talk to yourself all day? Hopefully, it’s not just me! Our minds chatter all the time about a lot of things. It is not the self-talk that reminds you to get milk or pick up the kids from school – that is normal self-talk The self-talk we’re talking about is the self-talk that is critical, negative, and does not support who you are.
This is the voice that berates you when you make a mistake, the voice that calls you names and puts you down all the time. The obvious problem is seeing and experiencing the damage that this self-talk does to your self-esteem. Eventually you believe the mind chatter and your self-esteem is damaged.
Negative self-talk is not your friend but it can be managed. If you begin to manage your mental conversations, eventually the negative self-talk will completely go away or at least become very quiet. You are the only person who can make this happen – are you ready to take your life back and undo the damage created by your critical voice. Let’s get started – okay?
Begin with these three simple steps:
1 – Develop awareness of your self-talk
It may take practice, but if you keep “listening” in to your inner voice, you will begin to notice when you talk negatively to yourself. Keep a journal of the most common negative messages you hear throughout the day and week - this will help you to see how much negativity is coming from your critical voice.
2 - Challenge the negative messages
As you being to notice or hear the negative self-talk, interrupt what is coming through – it is as easy as saying “stop” or “quiet” or “not true”, etc. If the message is that “you always screw up” write down or verbalize all of the things you have successfully accomplished. If you can not think of anything, ask a friend or a family member to remind you of your successes. We generally have tons of things we have been successful at or have accomplished. Think of this step as changing the radio station – if you were listening to a station you did not like, you would change the channel – right? Of course you would!
3 - Replace the negative messages with positive messages
As you begin to realize that you are saying unkind and untrue things to yourself, it will be important to turn those negative statements into positive statements. Say things out loud that might sound like - “That is not true at all,” “I am a great person and I am smart,” I do so many things right every single day.” You get the point – right?
Over time, your efforts will pay off in the form of stronger self-esteem and respect for yourself and your capabilities. It probably won’t happen overnight, but the more you work at turning your self-talk in a more positive direction, the better you’ll feel about yourself.